A Very Brief Look at My Anxiety Journey and Why I’m Doing What I Do
Pandora’s box swung wide open on the night I had my first panic attack, and all the king’s horses and all the king’s men could just not stuff back in what had come up for me.
What on earth was going on with me? I had no idea at all. I was 30 years old with a one-year old baby and was the happiest I’d ever been in my life.
Of course, hindsight being what it is, I had no idea the significance of that moment, that this was to be the starting point on a journey that would change me forever, would provide me with opportunities for exponential growth and would lead me on a course to discovering my life’s work.
It was a long and winding path to even find out that the multitude of mind and body stuff I was going through was anxiety. Anxiety? I did not know a single thing about anxiety. I felt enormously alone. I didn’t know where to turn. No one seemed to know how to help me. So it was down to this: it was me and God.
I was guided to teachers and through many (many, many) stages of recovery, up and down, over and through, and led me into more epiphanies and ah-ha moments than I could ever imagine was possible! It changed me. It made me who I am today. It opened up a whole new world for me. It opened up possibility. It showed me that I could be just as close to God in my life as I wanted to be.
I vividly remember the moment I first heard about “self talk” – tape 3 of the anxiety program I listened to all those years ago! – pretty much wore that tape all the way out! I remember being so astonished at the concept that many of the thoughts rattling around in my brain were not necessarily even true and that I had control over them. Are you kidding me? Why had no one ever told me?! This was the beginning of bunches of study and a passion first for self help and later for all things personal growth and inner work.
And now, at last, we’ve come to the point on this journey where I have the opportunity to share what I continue to learn and experience and to help other people to not feel so alone and confused and to know that there is so much possibility for them in this life, not just people who strongly experience anxiety but anyone who is eager to realize their dream of living a truly contented life, knowing that we are ALL without limit, even if it feels like we are completely stuck. I’m growing and changing and learning daily, as we all are, it’s such a process, and I am honored to support and encourage others on their journeys.
(originally written in September 2016)
Over time, I’ll be adding more here about my story of recovery and my teachers and resources that I hope will help. For now, I’ve added a section for getting started on your recovery when you are in that place of panic that I call being in crisis. If you’re dealing with lots of anxiety right now, just know two things – One, you will get better even though this feels like it’s forever. It’s not. And two, you are not alone even though it feels like you are. Reach out if you aren’t finding anyone in your local community who understands where you are at. Sometimes, when you don’t even know where to begin, this can be the first step in digging out – you don’t have to do it by yourself.