Iwent to the ER during my first panic attack. Yep, picked the sleeping baby up out of his crib, strapped him into his car seat and my husband drove us there. Because, of course, I thought I was dying. It might be nice to say that I haven’t been there for a panic attack since, but I have. Several times. And then for me, panic ended up looking like countless appointments, tests, doctors, xrays, a surgery even. Because – panic doesn’t always look the same. And it moves around, the bugger, so it’s sneaky and it’s hard to figure out – always, always to figure out what’s real and what isn’t.

To simplify something that is anything but simple, my theory has long been that there are three different modes of anxiety:

1. In crisis.
2. Managed. Able to work with it.
3. Barely even there, and yet, you know it’s there as a possibility.

It’s not at all hard to identify which mode of anxiety you are in. Depending on which it is, your recovery will be completely different. When in crisis – basically feeling panic at all times, the tools are completely different than the ideal maintaining way of life.

I’m writing this as a starting point for you if you are spiraling out of control and feel yourself to be in crisis. This is a time when you probably would like, pretty much, to just get out of Dodge. Everything in you is pretty much saying that if the choice is between fight or flight, let’s get out of here. This THING feels too big, too insurmountable to be able to tackle, certainly on your own.

If this is your first time around with this, I’m so sorry. In the beginning it feels like you’ve been completely blindsided. If it’s a recurring theme for you, then you know full well what it’s like to see it again. When I used to come back to being in crisis again after a hiatus, I would somehow be astonished: I’m back here again? Crap! I used to say repeatedly, “I just cannot believe that I am here again!” Now I don’t bother with that. So what, I’m here again. What do I do again? I can’t remember. How do I get the adrenalyn out of my system? And Fast. Oh, right. I don’t. Not unless I change things up.

Whenever I get back to this place, I ask myself, “How do I do this again? What do I do to get the adrenaline out of my system?” Consistently, the answer is:the passage of time with no new damage

For starters, it’s time to get into what I call “SNAIL MODE”:

1. Walk around at a snail’s pace ALL day, no matter what you are doing, for however long it takes – this means you walk very slowly, you talk slowly and quietly, you even laugh softly.
2. Ditch anything that you absolutely do not have to do – especially anything that will create even the slightest amount of stress in your system.
3. Know that you are in recovery and you MUST do nothing but be exceedingly gentle with yourself right now.
4. If anyone tries to pick a fight or ramp up a conversation in any way, either walk away or say calmly, “I am not allowed to have any tension in my life right now. Maybe we can do this in a few days or find a different way to do it.”
5. Do not watch TV, do not read the paper or magazines or books that are not 100% safe, and do not listen to music unless you KNOW it is a type of music that will not create any adrenalyn in your system – this all means anything that creates tension/stress or excitement; your body experiences these in the exact same way.
6. If that little voice in your head won’t stop, find a different voice to listen to, even if that means for the entire day and as you are going to sleep (much more on this below).
7. Retreat entirely into your shell, find a quiet spot with a minimum of stimuli and rest.
8. If you feel like you can’t be alone, don’t be alone. Call a friend, a family member, a vague acquantance, call anyone and make them do something with you, even if it’s just sitting on their couch rather than your own and listening to THEIR words besides the whackanoodle conversation going on in your own head. Or just be with them so you feel safe, and then rest.

**Most importantly – Know that YOU ARE OKAY.**

Right now, know that I am holding your face in my hands, and I am telling you, “You are okay.”

You CAN do this. You are the only one who can. You WILL get better. Along with snail mode, here are the two main things that have saved my life and gotten me out of crisis time and time again and that I would start STAT if you’re in panic, like this very moment:

1. Self talk and changing up the voices
2. Walking

I would always, always, always start with SELF TALK as the very first thing. Let that be the very first thing you do. It’s hard until you trust it. You won’t want to say things to yourself that you don’t believe. It doesn’t matter. If you cannot stand the voices in your head, which you cannot stand if you are in panic and also should not stand for, it’s time to get some new voices going, something other than the stories that are spinning around in your own head. It’s absolutely imperative that you start to get this bit under control and that you start to shift the momentum away from the downward spiral. Sometimes the effect will be instantaneous (what a relief). Sometimes it will be more stubborn and take a couple of days to begin to feel a shift. But you will, for sure, feel a shift within three days, so keep at it even if you don’t believe in it yet. I’m talking here about affirmations, meditations, scripts, whatever you need to do, and I’ve written a bunch more about this enormously aspect of your recovery here.

So now with snail mode and your self talk plan in place, put on your sneakers and go for a walk. Yes, now. I mean pee first, grab a snack and walk out the door. Right. Now. Bring some sort of self talk with you, whether it’s someone else’s voice or your own.

The combination of snail mode, self talk and walking has saved me more times than I care to remember, and I really do mean “saved me.”

Hang in there, walk your way through and after some time, you will realize that you are not, in fact, going to die, or that you are not, in fact, going to lose it. And this is a really helpful thing to know. It’s a start.

After some time, you will even be able to tell yourself, “I am okay.”

The very beginning of my recovery, pulling myself up and out of anxiety, began with lacing up my sneakers, leashing my dog, putting the baby in the stroller, putting headphones in my ears and walking. I could not stand the voices in my own head, which were only serving to keep me in the exact same spiral I couldn’t get out of, so I read my self talk into a tape recorder and played it to myself as I literally walked for my life. And my recovery began. And yours will too. Right. Now.